Now That You're Gone
by Dreams That Glitter
Summary: ...even though you're gone, I'm still here..." Taylor Swift song-fic about falling love with a person who will never love you back.


_We were both young when I first saw you//I close my eyes and the flashback starts_

Lake Placid seems a lifetime ago when I really started noticing you. Floppy blond hair and milk-chocolate brown eyes, the crooked smile that made any girl go weak at their True Religion clad knees. Like I said though, it was seemingly a lifetime ago. Four long, excruciatingly difficult years until today, filled with heartache on my behalf.

_I'm not a Princess, this ain't a Fairytale//I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet_

I am still filled with bitterness to this very day. Because you picked her, and I was too blind with love to ever hate you for it, or see how stupid I was being to ever even think I had a chance. Nobody has a chance against her.

_If you asked me if I loved him//I'd lie_

Of course I would lie. You belonged to _her_, not me, never me. I blamed myself for never telling you how I felt, never exposing my feelings to you. What would be the point? I was Jacob and she was Edward, I was concentrated squash and she was organic freshly squeezed, I was peeling nail stickers and she was French manicure. I was always second best.

_Wake up and smell the breakup//Fix my heart, put on my makeup_

I was filled with jealousy; it oozed from my every pore. I listened to her stories about where you would take her, what you two did together, what you bought her for her birthday. She would show off what you did for her and I would plaster a smile on my face, lies dripping off my tongue like ice cream off a flaky cone. I just wanted the heartache to end, or at the very least for you to notice me. That was impossible when she was around.

_Just now I'm right here hopin'//That you'll come in with the rain_

I waited for you, and I still carry on waiting even though it's pointless. It's partly my fault I guess, I went out with your friends so I guess it seemed like there was nothing going on, like the fact that I was hopelessly in love with you, when you were in love with my best friend. I still carried on hoping.

_Kiss me on the sidewalk//Take away the pain_

Sometimes I would wish you would do something crazy like stop a soccer match in the middle of it to declare your undying love for me, or grab me in the pouring rain and passionately kiss me like they would do in one of those Audrey Hepburn movies which my Mom is obsessed with. Deep down I know that would never happen, I would be too scared to _let _it happen. Her wrath has always been unimaginable.

_Who do you think you are//To write on his heart with permanent marker_

I was angry at her. So angry at times I felt like ripping out her hair, conditioned strand by conditioned strand. When she went on about you to me, I would see flashes of red and struggle not to lash out at her. How could she be so insensitive like that? She was my best friend and couldn't even see how much I was in love with you? She dared to just treat you as if you were her little puppy, and what angered me the most was the way you would just go along with it.

_It's 2am and I'm cursing your name//You're so in love that you're acting insane_

But how could I hate you two? She was in love with you; you were in love with her. Any idiot would be able to see that. But when you two kissed or hugged, it tugged at my heart. When she would sit at her desk, doodling hearts with different colored Sharpies, entwining your names together, I felt like puking or slapping her into reality or both. She had infinite amounts of love for you, but you could never see that so did I.

_I don't know why all the trees change in the fall//But I know you're not scared of anything at all_

She could go on for hours about what it felt like being with you. How warm your hugs were, how intense your kisses were, how protected she felt when you put an arm around her. She was completely unaware of my feelings, and I hated her for that, but I also loved her because she was _Massie_, she was my best friend. I don't know why the trees change in the fall. I know why she loves you though.

_She's going off about something that you said//She doesn't get your humor like I do_

Truth be known, I didn't think you two were compatible at all. I thought I would be way better off with you instead. We would look way cuter together, like a sweet suburban couple or something. You two were as different as Emmett and Rosalie, but like them you still got along. I was right in front of you for years, though. Why couldn't you have just picked me?

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away//'Cause none of us thought that it would end this way_

Things like just didn't happen to people like you. People like you didn't die at sixteen. I wish you didn't go. I used to wish Massie would just disappear so you would notice me, Claire, for a change. She did disappear, but not in the way I wanted her to. She moved away when you died. Nobody knew how the "love of your life" or whatever Massie was to you would react. She reacted how everyone thought she would; simply breaking down. Now you're gone, and you'll never know how I feel.

_Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie//It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see_

Nobody wanted you to die, especially me. Especially Massie. I still can't believe _she's_ gone let alone you as well. I would rather live through the torture of seeing you love her and not noticing me, than not feeling love around me at all. Your presence will be with me forever. You'll never know how I feel, but I want you to know that I'll always love you.

_I want to be everything you need//I need to be where you are_

You always told me to never give up though, that that's how you get far in life. Because even though you're gone, I'm still here. I know you'll never love me the way you loved Massie, and even though that hurts in places I didn't know existed inside me, that's ok. So I'll leave this letter where your body lies, and leave with something you told me to always believe in, no matter what.

Hope.

* * *

Soooo

I love Song-Fics and I love Taylor Swift so I thought, why not?

It is a bit hardtounderstand and all and I really don't know where it came from but I felt like doing somehting Claire-centred.

Make my day and review? juicyx


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